Editor’s Note: This potential reincarnation case of Kurt Cobain comes from a 19-year-old who has had very compelling dreams and circumstances. Published in 2014
Please, just hear me out before any accusations are made. I’m not forcing anyone to believe me, I just wanted to share my story. Also, please keep in mind that I am very terrified to share this but hopefully it will give me peace getting this off of my chest.
Here we go…I was Kurt Cobain in my past life.
When I was a little girl, I had dreams of my past life. They started when I was about four, but most of the memories happened when I was six and stopped when I was seven or eight approximately. I was always obsessed with the radio and obsessed with the idea of me being on there one day. I would fantasize about maybe one day, one of my songs when I got older would play on the radio. Keep in mind I am approximately only four or five at the time. I was intrigued with music and with instruments.
One day, my cousin and I decided “Hey, let’s make our back porch into a stage and let’s form a band!” So we got all of our fake kiddie instruments, the drum-set, the guitar, etc. My cousin wanted to be the singer, but I stubbornly told him, “No! I have to be the singer! That’s the way it used to be!” He looked at me strangely and said, “What are you talking about?” Being four years old, I didn’t know how to put it in words so I just told him, “Never mind.”
He kept insisting I tell him, which only frustrated me because I didn’t know how to. Eventually he got over it and we were then deciding who would be the guitarist, who would be the drummer, and who would be the bassist which at the time I called it, “The other guitar man.” We decided I would be the singer and he would be the guitarist. We still needed a bassist and a drummer. He decided my sister should be the drummer. I threw a fit. I told him, “No! The drummer needs to be a man just like it used to be!” So we argued and eventually we let her be the drummer. We were still missing a bassist which bothered me but I decided to go on without one.
We invited our neighbors to come and watch us perform which we did and we had a blast. Many times I tried to tell my cousin about my past life, but didn’t know how to – being that young and all. One time, when I was six years old – it was around 11:00 or so and my mom was picking up her best friend’s daughter, which was my friend – the song, “Come As You Are” came on the radio and I looked at my mom and started smiling and jumping up and down. I told her, “Mommy, that’s Kurt Cobain.” She turned around shocked and asked me, “Morgan, how do you know that? Did someone tell you who he was?” I said, “No. Nobody told me. That was me, mommy! That man is me! That used to be me!”
She turned the music down and with the same shocked look on her face and said, “What did you just say?” Afraid that I was in trouble or something I got really quiet and told her the same thing I told my cousin, “Never mind.”
She kept asking me what I said, but I didn’t tell her again because I was afraid I did something bad so I just kept quiet and stared out the window. Later that night she told me,”That was Kurt Cobain who sang that song. He was a singer who died awhile back. How did you know that?” Afraid of getting in trouble I lied and said, “Because someone told me, mommy. That’s how I know him.”
Then the dreams began.
I had a dream that I was sitting near this creek, or whatever it was, and these kids were playing around in the water. One had something in their hands, but I can’t remember. Then I heard a woman’s voice yell my name – she had red hair. Then it ended.
I had multiple dreams of interviews and of this blonde headed and bearded man who I wouldn’t recognize until I was fourteen or fifteen as Kurt Cobain.
I was drawing my depiction of “God” one day when my cousins came over. I was eight at the time. “God” had blonde hair and blue eyes and a blond beard. My cousins, all around fourteen or fifteen, asked me if it was Kurt Cobain. I was confused until they showed me a picture of Kurt, the man in my dreams when I was six years old whom I had entirely forgotten about, and I smiled and excitedly said, “That used to be me!”
My cousins thought I just had an overactive imagination and went along with it. I also had dreams of the music videos. In Come As You Are, they wanted me to swing on the Chandelier, which I was terrified of, because I was kind of terrified of heights and because I always imagine the worst possible scenario such as what if it can’t hold my weight and I die? Haha. I remember in the Come As You Are video the directors wanted me to lay on the grass and kiss the camera. We did it multiple times and multiple times I became agitated with them but then before I blew up on every single one of them, I finally got it right the way they wanted me to do it.
I remember seeing this dog they were going to put in the video with something around its neck. It was white and shaped like a lampshade, in a way. I remember before making the Heart Shaped Box video, they wanted me to wear this silver see through jacket, and I didn’t really understand why, so I took it off and then they made me put it back on. I didn’t like it at first, but then while making the video I got used to it, but instantly took it off after.
I remember in Smells Like Teen Spirit getting really frustrated with the director because the video shoot was taking so long. I expected to just go in there and be done with it. I also remember the crowd of teenagers in the shoot getting all hyped up and the director yelling and screaming at them. I remember the photo shoots and the tension in the band between members. I remember playing guitar while trying to watch Frances at the same time, and Courtney came back from wherever she was and started yelling at me and I got angry with her.
I remember holding Frances, seeing her ultrasound and giving her a nickname, “Bean.” I even remember as far back as when I was a teenager and a child. I remember Courtney in her white dress and photographers taking pictures of our little family. I didn’t discover who he was until I was fourteen or fifteen. I’m just going to be honest, at first I didn’t like who my past self was or the music. It didn’t hit me that this [Kurt Cobain] was who I was until I was seventeen, believe it or not.
One day I was thinking about those dreams I had and it finally hit me. This is who I was. Why else was I having all of these dreams about a person I’ve never seen before, places I’ve never been before, etc. It took me awhile to let that sink in too. I didn’t believe it. I never believed in reincarnation before. Until now.
Now, before people go on to say that I’m just wanting attention or I’m some freak obsessed with Kurt Cobain, let me just say that, yes, I don’t have proof of anything, but why would I make this up? Why would I waste my time just to entertain people? There’s so much I remembered, but if I told you all of it, well, there goes a part of me that I can’t get back, because you’d be reading a novel rather than a story…
Then there was the dream of my death, which, I will not discuss because it’s very private and still haunts me. My mother told me that her and my biological father tried since 1993 to have me but they couldn’t. Doctors said there was nothing wrong with her she was absolutely-perfectly healthy and fine. And then in 1994, in September, she became pregnant with me, which is five or six months after Kurt’s death.
I am now eighteen, almost nineteen years old, and I came into this life as a female. I appreciate this life, but I miss my old one. The thing I miss the most is my daughter. I’d give anything just to have a simple conversation with the people from my past, especially her. I’m still trying to get over my past life and heal so I can live in this one. Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.
